Yes, I am a Twilight fan. I know, I'm 35 years old, not 17. But clearly, there is a widespread appeal to these books that goes beyond vampire fascination (of which I have very little) and teenage love.
One of the aspects of these books that resonated with me was Bella's feeling of not fitting in with her peers. She was clumsy, she wasn't worried about all the high school "stuff" that her classmates were, she didn't having any particular talents. She just felt different. Those ideas were pervasive through the series, attributes that made her feel alone and separate from others.
In many ways, that could have described me at that age as well. I was definitely clumsy--my friends and family are always ready to tell a story illustrating that point! I am thankful to have always had friends and family who cared about me. But on a private, personal level, as a teenager I never felt like I completely fit in. I wasn't really, really good at anything. No particular talents or abilities. I did pretty well in school, but I definitely wasn't anywhere near the top of my class. I liked to sing, but I wasn't good enough to do a solo--not that my shyness would have ever allowed me to do so anyway. Nothing I did really stood out, and deep down I think I was afraid to stand out, because I was afraid of what people would see in me. I would periodically go through times of deep sadness, feeling alone and lonely. Feeling like nobody really knew me, and afraid that if anyone would ever get to know the real me--they would no longer want to know me.
So as I read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse, I felt a connection with Bella. The first half of Breaking Dawn was hard to read, but when it came to the second half--it was glorious to me. (Here's the spoiler part, if there's anyone left who doesn't know what happens!) Bella finds that not only is she beautiful, strong, and good at... yes, at being a vampire...but she also has powerful abilities that save her family and friends (and give us a happy ending). She finally fits in. She has several things in which she excels. She is able to be with the one she loves and experience everything she's ever wanted to experience. It was a very satisfying ending for me. I'm a sucker for happy endings anyway, no pun intended. ;)
Yes, I realize this is fiction. Written for teenagers. About vampires and werewolves. But I also see a deeper meaning within the pages. To me, this is a picture of heaven. On earth, sure, we have wonderful experiences and happiness and joy. But we also have pain and heartache and death. We don't fit in. We wonder how bad things can happen to good people. We watch the news and ask ourselves how people could commit crimes against innocent children, women, and men. We get tired of fighting and bickering, and wonder, "Why can't we all just get along?"
But in Heaven...and I'm not talking about a place where we'll go sit on a cloud, play a harp and be good forever. Who wants that, really? I'm talking about a place where we will have the wonderful joys and happiness without the shadows that take away from those things now. No tears, no death, no evil. We will have a purpose--work that we love, that will fulfill us. We will have love--pure, unconditional love--that will be like nothing else we've ever experienced. There will be no possibility of being hurt, so there will be no need to hold back. We will all fit in, because we will be where we were created to be. We will be fully known, and fully loved, and we will fully understand the implications of that. And all of our earthly struggles will somehow, supernaturally, be made right.
So as glorious as the happy ending for Bella and Edward was, I know that that feeling of euphoria pales so much in comparison to what we have, in real life, to look forward to. I live in hope and faith that one day, I will experience perfect love, perfect joy, perfect peace... knowing that Heaven will be greater than anything I've ever imagined... even greater than I could ever know to hope for.
