More Changes

Wow. It's been a whole year since my first and only post. Well, let's pick up where I left off, eh?

At this time last year, I was praying for change in my life. I was hoping for a new job... that, or the opportunity to stay home with my boys. It has always been my dream and desire to stay home, but it hasn't been a possibility for us thus far.

As it turned out, God provided me with a new job, one where my whole focus is teaching kids to read. I love it. I truly do. My professional life is far more peaceful than it had been, and this job requires skills that are much more suited to me.

There's only one problem. I still am not home with my boys. I feel like I'm constantly running, running, running; not really doing any thing well. Life is going far too quickly, and I don't have time for the most important things.

So, with budget cut talks circling my new district, again I've been praying for God's guidance, and the possibility of staying home. Sometimes I just don't understand; I mean, why wouldn't God want me to stay at home with my kids? Isn't that what He would want? Especially if it's something I want?

And then, recently, a comment made to me regarding someone else's life really hit me: could this just be one of those things in life, where I don't get everything I want, no matter how good of a thing it is? The thorn in my side? For some reason, it was a huge revelation to me. Of course, I always knew it was a possibility that I wouldn't be able to stay home, but for some reason this seemed different.

I know women who are praying for a husband, couples who are desperately hoping to have children, those who are in need of healing, people who are unemployed... many issues more difficult that mine. God never promised us everything we ever wanted. He didn't promise happiness; he promised peace and joy, and a relationship with Him.

The truth is, I have no idea what's in store for my family and me. For now, I have a family whom I love, a schedule where I get to spend holidays and summers (mostly) with them, good friends, a job I enjoy, a steady paycheck, benefits, and retirement. Many things to be thankful for. I can't say my desire to stay home has changed, but I think that's ok. I will probably keep asking God for what I want--He knows I what I want anyway--but always knowing that, no matter His answer, He loves me and is giving me what He knows is best for me.

I will trust Him. He's always been faithful; why should I expect anything different in my life?